Mom, dad and 2 kids? It's time to rethink what family looks like in Arizona

Should the traditional definition of family change? If we want strong resilient communities, more than a thousand diverse Arizonans say it should.

Arizona Town Hall held more than 20 community town halls throughout the state and a statewide session in mid-November. They were part of a year-long effort by the 57-year-old organization to ask diverse Arizona voices how to keep families strong and allow children to thrive.

These gatherings engaged Arizonans from Flagstaff to Yuma, Sierra Vista to Show Low and included community leaders, students and those most impacted by traumatic childhoods.

Regardless of whether the gathering took place in Carefree, Tucson or the Lewis prison complex, a surprising conversation emerged: It's time to re-examine what we mean by family.

'Family' is not how Rockwell painted it

With the holidays upon us, we are bombarded with traditional Norman Rockwell images of family — mom, dad and two kids all sharing a genetic history and a roof over their heads.

For many, these images don’t reflect reality, and the pressures of societal expectations attached to them can cause additional stress or trauma. As we collectively address how to strengthen Arizona’s families, the story we tell of “family” needs to shift to reflect the lives we actually lead.

Town Hall participants spent from three hours to three days in robust discussions and concluded that the definition of family should not be limited to families of origin. Families may be multigenerational and blended.

Some choose their families, looking to friends and social groups for support. There can be work families, spiritual families and gym families.

Others are constantly searching for a supportive family. Latrina Byers, a participant in the Perryville Prison community town hall, is one example.

Too many kids experience trauma

As long as Latrina can remember, her mother was a heroin addict and a prostitute who sold Latrina’s body to feed her drug addiction. Shunned by other kids and their parents, Latrina recalls sitting alone in school under a tree while others whispered about her or, even worse, didn’t notice her at all.

She recalls desperately wanting someone, anyone, to care. It would, she says, have made all the difference. Latrina ran away when she was 12 and resorted to the only life she knew — selling her body and using drugs.

Our prisons are filled with people who have stories like Latrina’s. In fact, Arizona ranks number one for children who have experienced two or more adverse childhood experiences, also known as ACEs. ACEs are defined as traumatic childhood events that disrupt brain development and impair the ability to function.

We can change this statistic. There are concrete strategies for reduce the occurrences of ACEs and for mitigating their impact. All it takes is a change in mindset by policy leaders and each one of us.

The town hall reports summarize suggested policy changes that may have made a difference for Latrina and that would help us strengthen our Arizona family.

Invest in schools, family services

Participants in these town halls repeatedly and emphatically concluded that Arizona needs to invest more in the education and care of its children.

The Community for Accredited Online Schools ranked Arizona worst in the nation for teachers, principally because of our failure to invest in education This is hardly a recipe for success.

Over-strained teachers are less able to deal with children impacted by multiples ACEs. We collectively reap the results of our poor investment decisions with a prison system bursting at the seams and the lost potential of human capital.

Want educated and skilled workers? Invest in them. Want an innovative way to save money and boost the economy? Prevention strategies are recommended.

Participants stressed the need for all policymakers to prioritize meeting the basic needs of Arizonans as one way to prevent childhood traumas. That includes:

• Better coordinating existing services and reducing incarceration rates, allowing more resources to be shifted to prevention services.
• Addressing child welfare by fully implementing the Family First Prevention Services Act, removing systematic barriers to kinship caregivers being licensed as foster parents.
• Increasing funding for social services and other agencies, lowering the propensity of ACEs and allow Arizona’s children better opportunities to reach their potential.

Because families are the building blocks of our society, recognizing and responding to an expanded definition of family creates more vibrant communities and more resilient economies.

Don't isolate those who've been in prison

Arizona has one of the highest incarceration rates in the nation, and the need to change Arizona’s criminal justice system became a common theme for supporting Arizona’s families.

Town Hall participants noted that strong families have guidelines for good behavior, and they can compassionately guide family members to reach their full potential. Healthy families do not punish and isolate members for the rest of their lives for a mistake that was remedied and corrected.

Arizonans who have been incarcerated, served their time and are ready to return to their communities are often isolated with limited housing and employment opportunities. With no path forward, far too many return to prison.

Some communities, like Prescott and Pima County, have implemented programs that take a different approach. Their success rates are worth replicating in Maricopa County, where the vast majority of the formerly incarcerated return to live.

Some employers, like Hickman Farms, recognize the business opportunities and social benefits of welcoming them into their work family. We could all learn from their examples.

What if you considered everyone family?

While Town Hall participants provided plenty of guidance for policymakers, they also took personal responsibility, committing to individual actions to make a difference for their Arizona family.

In the words of one: I will improve myself to be able to help others. I will ask someone if they are well and if they need assistance. I will ask what I can do to help.

Imagine if even one caring adult in Latrina’s early life had considered her a member of their family. How might her path have been different? Imagine if all of us, as we move through our daily lives, expanded our definition of family to include the child playing alone or the senior struggling to load groceries into her car.

Drawing on the wisdom of so many thoughtful Arizonans, perhaps we should all consider a broader definition of family this holiday season — one that encompasses the reality of today instead of outdated stories from the past. One that allows us to see family everywhere, instead of nowhere. And one that values being supportive and caring over genetic and legal formalities.

Maybe the best way to ensure that Arizona’s families are strong and that its children thrive is to remember that we’re all family.

Tara Jackson is president of Arizona Town Hall. Background data and recommendation reports on Strong Families Thriving Children can be found at www.aztownhall.org.