The topic turned to Halloween, a particularly enjoyable time in the Bowers family, then turned to birthdays — namely, the 16th one that the newest member of their brood celebrated on that day.
“Guess how many birthday parties he’s had?” Sue Bowers ask rhetorically.
After a moment of silence …
“One,” Dave Bowers says. “Imagine that. I mean, seriously.”
The dark-haired, quiet teenager of medium build and curious eyes has experienced much in his young life that would be hard for many children and adults to imagine. A rough relationship with his father and family, and his mother’s death, propelled him into Contra Costa County’s foster system at 9, an age when kids often can get lost.
Instead, this teen, who has chosen to be called “Mario” because of protective measures taken for youths in the foster system, found a family. A mentoring program overseen by Youth Homes Inc., brought him and the Bowers into each others lives –permanently, it turns out.
“It’s one more son,” Sue Bowers said of a family that already includes three adult daughters and an adult son that live in the area. “It’s pretty incredible. Another blessing.”
It was a pleasant development for Youth Homes, too. The nonprofit organization has been around since 1965, serving the needs foster youth in Contra Costa County.
The agency has received funding this year from Share the Spirit, an annual holiday campaign that serves disadvantaged residents in the East Bay. Donations helped support 49 nonprofit agencies in Contra Costa and Alameda counties. The grant will be used to furnish two therapy rooms with furniture, rugs, blankets, pillows, art, therapeutic toys and plants.
Youth Homes, Inc. started as a “mom-and-pop shop” said Stephanie Downs, a spokeswoman for the organization. Now it operates four group homes in Contra Costa County with six beds in each one. It provides case management and workforce training, and therapy for young people affected by emotional and physical trauma.
And it offers eight care programs, including Family Pathways that in January matched Mario with the Bowers family in a mentoring program. In a perfect world, Downs said, such a program ends as this one did, with the family en route to adopting the child.
“Successes in foster care are very incremental,” Downs said. “It’s really important to recognize them, because there’s a beauty that can come from the work when this happens. Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen as often as we would like. … It’s not a fairy tale.”
Nor has it been one for the Bowers or for the teen.
“It was kind of weird at first,” Mario said.
When Dave Bowers began mentoring the teen in January, he admitted the time they spent together was “awkward,” and the challenges were eye openers.
One example is the music Mario listens to. Dave Bowers calls it “deep and dark,” something that normally would get zero play in his experience, but it “encapsulates his experience,” and respecting and honoring that experience has broken down barriers.
“He’s obviously been through a lot of hard things in his young life, and here he is trying to get to know a new person, new people,” Bowers said. “These people aren’t his age. I’m trying to get to know him at the same time. It was a process. He has become more comfortable, and we have become more comfortable.”
Or, as Sue says, “Love is hard. It’s messy.”
Mario listens to this and nods. Of his earlier days, he will say only that his relationship with his family was bad, and with his father even worse. He admits he was skeptical when he began the mentoring program. He said it has all moved with head-spinning speed.
“Everything has felt so fast,” he said, “that the moment is very slow. It’s like the blink of an eye, but we’re still in the middle of closing our eyes.”
When the eyes open, they unveil a brand new life not only for Mario but those who surround him as well.
“It’s changed all of us,” Dave Bowers said.
Share the Spirit
The Share the Spirit holiday campaign, sponsored by the Bay Area News Group, funds nonprofit holiday and outreach programs in Alameda and Contra Costa counties.
To make a tax-deductible donation, clip the coupon accompanying this story or go to www.sharethespiriteastbay.org/donate. Readers with questions, and individuals or businesses interested in making large contributions, may contact the Share the Spirit program at 925-472-5760 or sharethespirit@crisis-center.org.
