Well, well, well, if Travel Oregon isn’t at it again.
First, Travel Oregon wanted viewers to believe Oregon’s whales swam through the sky. Then, they doubled down and added brunching monsters. In their newest tourism video, “Still Only Slightly Exaggerated,” things have only slipped further down a soft green hill.
Let’s review.
First, let me say assuredly that even though Halloween is approaching, spirits do not serve spirits at food carts! OLCC would never allow someone without a valid birth certificate to obtain a server’s license, are you out of your mind?
And yes, the Pendleton Roundup does feature powerful horses, but they are all, every single one, made out of flesh and blood and not dust and wind.
And another thing all visitors to the coast should be made aware of: It is lovely to fly a kite on a windy day and, if it is a summer weekend, it certainly will be very busy. But kites, even here, cannot turn into magical jellyfish that unclip from their line and fly, alive, into the woods.
Those kinds of jellyfish would have to be genetically modified so you won’t be seeing them anywhere around here.
Also, and I feel like this is a big one for tourists to know, our fire monsters are not jolly and friendly. Not even remotely. If a fire monster offers to roast your marshmallow for you, run the other way.
This of course brings us to a wine-sipping frog, which is, once again, not something you should expect to see when you visit Oregon, mainly because wine-sipping frogs are private drinkers and trying hard right now for a Sober October. Please don’t tempt them. Not even you, NBA superstar and wine aficionado CJ McCollum.
Finally, it must be said that there is no cloud man who parts the clouds for hikers who wish to view Mount Hood on their personal ranger-led tour of mountain vistas. The cloud man does not exist, and we don’t have enough rangers for tourists to get their very own. You will likely have to double up.
Now that you know what lies to look out for, here’s the video, which was created by Wieden+Kennedy with animation by Psyop and Sun Creature Studio and a score composed by Jim Dooley.
-- Lizzy Acker
503-221-8052, lacker@oregonian.com, @lizzzyacker